Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
