just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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