I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
