so explain again why im purple
no
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
