yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
