I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
