i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
