you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
