need another drink. this is the easiest way
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
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