I look better un-naked...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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