I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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