it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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