I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
