So drunk its hurt
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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