There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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