Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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