oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
