got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
do herpes really smell.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
