its not stalking. its research.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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