If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
