my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
