I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
