I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
