1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
