You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
