Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
