She is in my trunk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
