that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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