some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Say something about gay babies.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
