I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
