I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
