One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
