So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
