She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
