pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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