My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
