Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
love makes seman taste better
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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