I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
