I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
