Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
