doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
