Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
