i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
