I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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