Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
