Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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