What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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