I just pynch a tree in the face
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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