You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
