What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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