see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
