I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
