I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
