Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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