Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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